I have five children. My relationship with those kids is so important to me. I make time for them. I listen to them. I feed them, clothe them, teach them and love them. I try to be attuned to their needs and provide them with the resources and support they require to develop into the best versions of themselves.
Over the course of my adult life I have owned and lived in three homes. The shape, size and location of these homes has all been different. Just like my children, these homes have had their own personalities (or style) and have different things they need from me. Sometimes I feel annoyed that my house needs my time and resources. Sometimes I choose to ignore my home’s needs. However, I have learned that when I treat my home like one of my children it eventually evolves into its full potential. It becomes a home I love.
If you don’t love your home perhaps you have been neglecting your relationship. Here are three simple things you can do to show up with intentionality and move from tolerating where you live to feeling excited when you walk through your front door.
First, stop trying to make your home something it’s not. Have you ever tried forcing a young child to wear a particular outfit? Or tried coaxing a teenager into a different clothing or hair style? I have, and it never goes well. While living in a neighborhood with a collective earthy and traditional style (it was called “Tuscany”) a woman bought a home down the street from me. Soon after the painters were there and her home went from an earthy beige to a cool gray with black accents. With its traditional architecture the newly placed modern elements were startling and out of place. If you like a modern style then buy a modern home. Don’t try to turn a craftsman style home into a modern farmhouse. It will always feel off because it’s not authentic. Mesh your own style and personality with who your home already is and you will both be much happier.
Next, allocate your time and resources appropriately. This can be a tricky balancing act. I have a child who, for a time, needed a lot of care and support. My husband and I were advised to place this child into a care program that would have required a substantial financial sacrifice for our family. We had to consider the needs of our younger children at home and ultimately decided it was too great a cost and continued to look for solutions elsewhere. Your home is going to need your attention, your time and your resources. However, you can be wise on how you distribute those. Make a schedule to clean and maintain your home. Set aside a little money each month for repairs or items that will need to be updated and replaced. If you do this a little at a time you can avoid big costly restorations and reconstruction in the future.
Last, be intentional on how you talk to and about your home. This really matters! I’ve heard homes referred to as the “money pit”. This is like openly calling my children “free-loaders” while at a family reunion! If you don’t love your home right now that’s okay. Look for specific things you like or appreciate and choose to focus on those things. Maybe it’s a window that gets a lot of natural light, a front porch you enjoy sitting on in the evenings or that your home is a few minutes away from a grocery store or restaurant. Say nice things about your home and talk about its potential. This is a key mindshift if you want to love your home.
Taking the time to work on your relationship with your home will really pay off! You will start seeing small improvements in your attitude which will increase your motivation to work on and take care of your house. A beautiful home doesn’t just happen. It comes from acknowledging your home’s potential and also understanding its limitations. You must first love your home and then it becomes beautiful to you.
